If I were a fashion runway model….
I gave this topic a ton of consideration and decided to rule out the obvious answers. (i.e. "bulemic and/or anorexic") I decided that if I were a fashion runway model, I would pretty much be consistently bitter that designers were making me wear freaky-deaky crap! (I humbly submit for your perusal Exhibit A above) It looks like a balding peacock took a running start, ran straight into the model and exploded all over her. I can pretty comfortably confess that I'm a total "F Chick" at heart. I grew up in a trailer for cripe's sakes. So maybe that accounts for my lack of "fashion savvy" but I have to say that I can't really think of a single time I've seen a runway model sporting some "hot trend" and have thought to myself, "Hmmm! Cute!" Never. It just doesn't happen. I think it would be fun to be a designer and design something insanely bizarre and see if I could pass it off as "fashion" to people with more money than sense who truly are complete sheep following the crowd. I mean, who sees an outfit like this and thinks, "Genius! Pure genius!" ?? I think they're sitting there, thinking what I thought about the peacock but notices the snooty broad next to her nodding in appreciation and thinks, "Oh, she's nodding. I should nod." I'm not here to judge--I admit I do the same thing when I watch football. ("Oh! I should be clapping right now!") It's a simple trap to fall into. But truly, in this scenario, who is the victim? The poor model, that's who! She's been throwing up for MONTHS just to prepare for this show and she gets handed this monstrocity to sport on the runway for God and Everyone to see and photograph. These would be my thoughts as I strutted my stuff down the catwalk, "Egads I can't believe he put me in this! Does he hate me? Is this some personal vendetta because I unwittingly called something "gay" and insulted him? How am I supposed to know he likes boys? It's not like he's wearing a rainbow lapel pin or anything. And seriously--dead peacock? How is this fashion? Aw crap! I told my mother they would post the pictures online. Now she's going to see this and I'm never going to hear the end of it. I need to start formulating my answers now. "Yes, Mother, I know it's immodest. Yes, I know it looks like a dead peacock. No, I didn't get to choose it. Are you kidding me? Do you think I am happy about having to wear roadkill at Fashion Week when my roommate gets to wear Vera Wang wedding gowns? Good grief! Yes, I know I look thin. Yes I'm eating. No I'm not making myself throw up again. (What she doesn't know won't hurt her) No I am most certainly NOT on drugs (prescriptions don't count as "drugs" do they?) I know my hair looks like a bird's nest (probably what attracted the cursed peacock in the first place) I know, the makeup is dark, that's just how models wear it during these things. It's dramatic. No, I'm not going to revert back into my "goth" phase, that was 5 years ago when I was in highschool. What? You showed the pictures to Granny???" Dang it. I'd better start formulating what I'm going to say to Granny. These boots are seriously death. I'm not going to lie I feel like I look more scary than sexy. All of this just to pay off some friggin' student loans for an English degree I'll probably never use. I'd better swing my hips a little more and hope I attract a wealthy oldster with a heart condition so I never ever ever have to wear this crap again."
3 smart remarks:
Love the internal monologue and conversation with Mom about Granny. By the way, when did I become J-Shizzle? I thought I was J-Funk? Actually, nevermind, I think J-Shizzle probably has a more positive-sounding connotation.
Shucks, I'd love to get my hands on that peacock number. Maybe the designer could make me something inspired by ostrich...
Now THAT is the kind of picture I was searching for to add to my blog! Loved it! It fits right in with the other hideous garb all those skinny poles wear. Loved the phone call from mom and if only the "throwing up for a month" weren't so true!
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