"Closing time..time for you to go out to the places you will be from..."

Well, for better or worse, the house is ours. It's not a bad house--it's a great house and I sincerely mean that. It's super cute and great for us. (Plus it was DANG cheap--I told Scott we would never find more than a double-wide for what he wanted to pay and I am glad to be wrong!) It's just been a long, hard road. Let's document the magic, shall we?
August 16th--see house and put in offer
August 17th--Offer accepted, much to our surprise since we asked them to pay all of our closing costs and throw in the washer and dryer!
August 23--Home Inspection. Inspector tells us we have the following "safety issues"
*There are 8 windows that need to be replaced--they either don't go up or they don't stay up.
*The wiring in the attic is tied together with twisty-ties. I have two words for you: fire hazard
*The breaker box has more than one wire going to each breaker
*There is no main shut off switch
*Someone removed the pressure relief valve on the water heater and replaced it just with a cap so if, for some reason, the water gets too hot and too much steam builds inside, the whole thing will pretty much blow up. Awesome.
*Only like 3 of the outlets in the house are grounded, but they all have 3 prong outlets installed. Yikes.

there were a few other things but those were the major ones.
August 25--send an addendum requesting the seller fix the electrical issues (since it should have been done with the remodel) and officially ask for duplicate appliances--range, refridgerator, washer and dryer and dishwasher. (they were already offered by the seller)
August 29--Find out that mortgage company doesn't trust the appraisal price given by THEIR appraiser and have requested Field Report to verify value of the property, since early on there was a flag that it was potentially overpriced. (The realtor appraised it at 6K more than the purchase price). Cost of said field report? $300 or $400. I don't remember which.
September 1--find out from Realtor that "Renters have moved out and stole the downstairs washer and dryer" but there is still a W&D upstairs that will stay. Also, the sellers had an electrician come in and rewire the wires in the attic to take them to junction boxes however, the electrician told them it "wasn't immediately necessary to rewire the breaker box, plus it would be really expensive" so they decided not to do that, nor install a main shut off switch. We asked about the addendum that they signed and were informed that "for some reason" they didn't sign it. Sellers officially think we're jerks.
September 2--Send another addendum requesting they have an electrician certify that breakers are running below maximum capacity (since the concern with 2 wires is that it would overload the breaker and blow it), also requesting they make the fixes requested by the FHA appraiser.
September 4--The day of our "final walk through" before closing on the 5th. I drive by on my way to take Jack to preschool and see renters' cars in the driveway. You know--the renters that "moved out and stole the washer and dryer." I call dearest Karen, who did our mortgage, who calls the appraiser to see if renters were there when he did the appraisal. He said there was still furniture in the house--they weren't even close to moved out. I call my realtor in a mad rage and tell him he's a liar and I don't trust anything anyone says. If we are closing on this house, I want the renters out and I mean NOW and where the &^%% is the washer and dryer they supposedly stole??(It was a pretty new set and the one remaining was really old) Realtor calls selling agent to find out that "there were two sets of renters--downstairs and upstairs. The downstairs renters were related to the upstairs renters and they're the ones who moved out and stole the W&D" Does it matter that 3 weeks ago when we first looked at the house, we saw the W&D in the house? Apparently not. Also, seller's wife told the upstairs renters to get out, they gave HIM some sob story about how they couldn't get out until Saturday but needed help so the seller is actually helping them move out--they'll be out by Saturday and seller will spend Saturday and Sunday cleaning the house and retouching paint. We go to the walkthrough and see holes in the walls of every room in the house, dog poo on the carpet and carpet stains that looks like someone changed the oil in their car on the bedroom floors. Also, see renters' stuff in the bedrooms downstairs. Wonder about the story about the "downstairs renters" being the one to steal the W&D. Call the sellers' agent who says seller will patch walls and "rent a carpet cleaner." Scott and Peggy try not to kill someone. Instead, we put closing off until Monday.
September 6--order carpet for 3 bedrooms.
September 8--find out from sellers' agent that they feel so bad about the carpet they're going to have a professional carpet cleaner come out and clean carpets. Go to the house for 2nd "final walkthrough" and a police officer pulls in behind our realtor. (He hadn't put his 08 tags on his license plates) I ask the officer how safe the neighborhood is. He says if we're buying the house, the neighborhood just got better. Apparently, the renters were horribly and always had loud parties and the kids were on parole, etc. Other than that, it's a great area heavily patrolled by the department since it's across the street from the elementary school. Finally some good news. However, when we get inside, we immediately notice washer and dryer are gone. Expletive expletive expletive. Also, the front door doesn't LOCK! What? Our realtor calls sellers' realtor who says the W&D was in the original contract but not mentioned in the addendum. Our realtor reminds him that means the terms re:W&D are unchanged then and they need to get us a W&D. Sellers' realtor is super bugged and calls sellers while he's mad and they say that if we're going to be like that, they're not going to have the carpets cleaned. He finally cools off and says that since it was apparently HIS fault, not the sellers, he'll spring for the W&D. We agree and sign papers.
September 9--I stop by the house after dropping Jack off at school to see if the door is locked (if there is a special trick only the sellers know about) and if there is someone there/if someone had been there to clean carpets. (I thought maybe they'd forgive us since their agent was paying for the W&D.) The door is not locked and the carpets have NOT been cleaned. Sigh. I just can't be bothered to care. I find out that the W&D have been purchased and are now in the garage. That doesn't lock. Let's hope the neighborhood is as safe as the officer said it was!! Agent shows me the trick to lock the door and gives me the keys and we're officially homeowners. It's a HUGE relief to be done and we can't wait to get our stuff moved in and make it "home." AND, my dearest Pineapple Princess heard my late-night cries for help and is coming the end of September to help me decorate. Ahhhhh...
Please tell me homeownership gets better than this!!