And now a story...um, about someone else...

We'll call this story: Raging Chaos

So once upon a time there was a girl named, uh, Meggy. This was Meggy's day in a nutshell. One night (well technically two nights ago) her son Mack was taking a bath with these little plastic boots over the casts he has on his legs so they wouldn't get wet. Well, ingenious little boot leaked and Mack's cast was soaked. Meggy and her husband spent over an hour with a blow dryer and paper towels trying to get it dry. Mack was supposed to go the next morning to his Nana's house for the weekend but plans changed since it was now possible that trip to Primary Children's was looming in the future to have a cast replaced. At 7:30 AM the next morning, Mack woke Meggy up telling her his cast was dry and he was ready to go to Nana's house. Ughhhhh...so Meggy rolls out of bed, get the baby fed and dressed and off they go to meet Nana. Once the drop was made, Meggy and the baby headed out to run some errands (that will remain unnamed as it involves gifts not yet given) suffice to say, it took a long time and she was feeling a little pressed for time since she had a presidency meeting at 2 and wanted to be able to take a little nap before. (You know, "sleep when the baby sleeps.") Well, while wandering around Hobby Lobby, she decides she wants to make a present for her friend, uh, Callie who was performing that night in Mirates of Henzance. (EVERYONE brings flowers and they just die. She wanted something that would last, you know? Of course you do. Thanks for your understanding, friends/family/Internet Crazies.) Snafoo #1 (Isn't that a great word? "Snafoo?") She forgot what part Callie was playing in "Mirates" so she had to call her friend "Lerica" to see if she knew. Lerica has many gifts, namely the knowledge of just about everything. Among her impressive skill set is the ability to look things up if she doesn't know. Which skill she used in this instance. Once Meggy knew that Callie was playing "Nuth" in "Mirates" she continued her merry way, procuring items necessary for the perfect gift. The idea, you see, was that Meggy would use the ole' Cricket to cut vinyl lettering with a quote from the play that would be applied to the glass of one of those pretty "floating picture frames." It was going to be great. Well, just as she was about to check out she realized that she needed a gift bag. So she headed to the gift bag section of the store. Let me just let you into "Meggy's" head for a minute so you can understand the magic. These were her thoughts pretty much verbatim. "Here's one. I like that black and white vintagy look. That's really cute. But $2.49 for a gift bag?? Really? I mean, she'll probably reuse it but then what? I really should just get a cheaper one. But the cheap ones are so PLAIN. I could jazz it up with pretty tissue paper, but the snazzy tissue paper is also a little expensive and that for sure probably won't be reused. Here's a cute bag! How much is this one? Hmm..also 2.49. 2.49, 2.49, 2.49 why are there no cute bags under 2? Okay, maybe plain bags. What color? What color would Callie like? Purple with brown tissue paper? No, I can't see her as a purple friend. Bright pink? Now we're talking. Bright pink with brown tissue paper. No, with black tissue paper! There we go! That looks really cute and it's very Callie. Okay, what size do I need? (Inserting picture frame in the bag.) Hmm..it's a little small. Let's go to the next size up. Wow! That's huge. That's not going to work. But the little one is TOO little? Who does a girl have to make out with to get one in-between? Sheesh. Okay, I guess we'll go with the little one. But do I really want pink? I don't love pink...oooohhh..there's turquoise! Okay, let's do turquoise with black tissue paper. The tissue paper will stick up over the top so you won't really be able to tell that the frame is sticking up out of the bag. Let's go. I think the baby is trying to poop." Seriously, these were Meggy's thoughts. When her husband says to her, "What were you thinking??" Now he knows. It's a mess. Anyway, so Meggy heads to the check stand with her purchases and hurries home (well, she DID stop for a $1 Coke from McDo) because she knows that all chances of a nap are gone and she has to hurry to have stuff ready for her meeting at 2. Gets home, changes the baby (who did, in fact, poop. I know you were on pins and needles wondering whether or not she had), feeds the baby, starts getting everything ready for meeting. Soon, counsellors start showing up (Meggy still wasn't quite ready) and the next 2 1/2 hours are spent assembling nifty gifties. It is now 5:00P, she has to leave at like 6:40 to get to the play in time. She commences cutting vinyl, but that little Cricket is harder than you could imagine. First of all, it doesn't cut letters smaller than an inch and the frame she bought was only 5x7. So she cuts that letters on the vinyl and as she goes to put it on the transfer tape realizes that it cut all the way through the white stuff the vinyl is stuck to. Grrrr..so she pulls the letters off the white stuff with the transfer tape and cuts each word individually (of course the transfer tape is sticking to the scissors, complicating matters even more) and arranges them to make sure that they won't fit on the 5x7 glass. Of course they don't. So at 6:15, Meggy and the baby rush to Robert's to buy a bigger frame. Frame purchased, letters applied but frame has fingerprints all over it and Meggy was a little too hasty pulling tape and stuff off of the frame so there are little spots of sticky goo in a few places. Deep sigh. It is 6:45. Meggy realized that frame is now MUCH too big to fit in teeny little (albeit ADORABLE) gift bag. Deep sigh #2. She rushes to the closet to search through available bags and of course the only thing big enough is HUGE and says "Baby" on it. Lovely. 6:50P. Meggy and baby are headed out the door. When she gets to the car she realizes that she left the gift at the kitchen table. Deep sigh #3. She runs inside, grabs the gift and runs back out to the car. Then she realizes that she left the hanging hardware that was attached to the frame on the kitchen table. Deep sigh #4. Runs inside for hanging hardware, tosses it in the bag and leaves. 6:55. Miraculously she makes it to the place at 7P, buys her ticket and tries to find a seat. she finds one but wants to be sorta in the center so she's maneuvering a baby carrier, diaper bag and humongous gift bag. she realizes she's in front of a bunch of people and so she ducks down. She realizes that she's about to drop either the baby or the gift bag--of course the gift bag goes down and she hears something break. Her reaction really went beyond a deep sigh. She situates the baby and checks to see if the bag now has shattered glass inside. No, thankfully, but the frame is broken. I'm not going to lie that at this moment, Meggy might have muttered a naughty word under her breath. Realizing there's nothing she can do, she settles in to enjoy the show. Callie was AWESOME and the baby was digging it! She was watching the stage and the lights so intently! Until the Soprano came on and started hitting those high notes. Baby starts SCREAMING and she's trying to high-tail it out of there before Henzance patrons start tossing programs at her head. In her rush to leave, she nearly crashed right into her dear friend Callie who was coming up the side aisle to get to the stage. Deep sigh. Just as she gets almost to the door, who does she see? Friend, (wait, what did I call her? Ah yes.) Lerica and her husband, um, Spruce coming in late! We love Lerica and it's always great to see her. Meggy takes Baby out, feeds and diapers Baby and goes back in to see her wonderful husband (who we will simply refer to as "the Boy.") They settle in again and enjoy the show until Intermission when Lerica and Spruce move up a few aisles to chat. Meggy showed her thoughtful (although a complete wreck of a ) gift and they discuss whether or not to even give it to her in it's current state. "It definitely needs Windex" Lerica helpfully remarks. Meggy asked if she had any knowing that if ANYONE randomly had Windex in her purse, it would be Lerica. No Windex, but Lerica produces a little container of Mint Nectarine Anti-Bacterial Gel and a panty liner. I crap you negative, people. Meggy spent the second act of the show trying to clean the frame, in the dark, with hand gel and a panty liner. (If you ever find yourself in this situation, just know that it won't work--your frame will have streaks and be all filmy but it will smell DIVINE!) The play ended and Meggy decided that even though the once-thoughtful gift was now completely ruined and ghetto, this is Callie we're talking about. One of her dearest friends who loves her. So she gives her the gift, she loves it and they all lived happily ever after. It's just that quite possibly Meggy is going to have some sort of aneurysm because this, seriously, is what her life is like. Almost daily. Poor Scott, right?? This is the end of the story. My house looks like the SWAT team crashed in after the tornado went through it and I'm not going to lie the dishes do NOT smell summer fresh. We now return to our regularly scheduled program.