FFA "It's too late to apologize..it's too late..."

FFA Topic #11 Write a letter to someone apologizing for something you're not really sorry for!

Dear Snotty Bee-yatch,
I'm sure you probably don't remember me--really just another lame mall employee--but I assure you that I remember you. I was probably 17 years old and just trying to earn some cash with an after-school job in a costume jewelry store in the mall. Listen, it was an easy job and my boss put a little TV in the backroom so I could watch "Friends" on Thursdays. Not rocket science, but it padded the pockets. You came in one day with your boyfriend, some poor over-dressed, over-gelled boy who by now you've probably discovered was gay. You were ordering the poor guy around like he was your "help" and you decided you wanted to get a third piercing in each of your ears. You told him to give you money to pay for it, which he sheepishly produced from his Velcro wallet. I gave you the release form to fill out, which you did while commenting that it was "a good thing because, like, if anything bad happened this store would be sued so fast!" I confess that my smile and laugh were totally fake and that in my head I was pretty much calling you every name in the book. (I have since repented of my evil ways and entered into the waters of baptism. The Lord has forgiven my sins so you have to, too.) You picked out some earrings, the "large cubic zirconia." Here is where my confession and (really, sincerest of sincere) apology comes into play: When I pierced your ear, I made it hurt. It's really a simple trick and you're not my only victim. Really, it just involves pulling the trigger extra hard and then tugging just a bit when pulling it off the ear/large cubic zirconia earring. You kind of gasped and said, "OW! That hurt more than I remember last time!" I gave you a reassuring (and, again, fake) smile, apologized and told you it's because it's where the cartilage begins so it always hurts a little more. Total lie. I didn't piece cartilage, it was total ear fat. While these heinous acts were inexcusable in and of themselves, I must also confess that when I pierced the other one I did the same thing again. I know all of this was horrifically unprofessional and immature. Nobody should ever inflict pain on another individual simply to be spiteful, but quite frankly you treated me like crap and I thought I'd avenge your poor boyfriend while I was at it. Oh, and um, I hope it wasn't infected for too long.