Ragnar (Or, What On Earth Ever Possessed Me To Think I Could Ever Survive Something Like This? or Delusions of Grandeur or Somebody Please Break My Leg)

Maybe you've seen this sticker on the back of a car somewhere. It is the illustrious "Ragnar" sticker given to those who have completed a 200 mile in 24 hours relay race. These people are also referred to as "idiots." Seriously. Who thinks to themselves 308K? Fun! I'll tell you who--me.

I've always wanted to do it. (True confession: mostly just to say I had. I'm in it for the sticker--I'm not going to lie.) So when members of our ward (our church congregation) were headed up Ogden Canyon for our annual ward picnic last summer and we passed a whole heap of "Ragnarians" in the middle of running the race, I thought to myself, "I want to be one of them!" Then I saw like a 70 year old man running and I thought, "Okay, if HE can do it, surely I can!" Remember the idiot part? Right. So we were all together talking about how cool that would be and our Bishop (the guy in charge of our congregation) said something like, "I'll do it if you do." And so a Ragnar team was born. And thinking I'm a WHOLE lot cooler than I am, I signed up and paid my entrance fee and strapped on my sneakers. Okay, so maybe I didn't strap on my sneakers until like January. But seriously in like February. Or March. You know, whatever.

So I've been training. And it's hard. And it hurts. And I'm a sucky runner. Remember the 5k I ran? Yeah, that was a fantastic experience. I think it's like giving birth..you don't FORGET how much it sucked, but you become numb to it in a way that makes you think doing it again won't be as bad as it was before. Except that it IS as bad as it was before and you're reminded of that...when it's too late. This is the boat I'm in. So I train. I get up at 6AM to run with the nicest girl in the whole wide world who is willing to run with me (and who, I'm not going to lie, I think has a dark side and secretly enjoys seeing me in pain and cussing and grumpy because it is 6 O' FREAKING CLOCK!!!!) I am so officially over this. It's not fun anymore and I can probably just buy the sticker off the Ragnar website, yes? For this purpose I am looking for someone who might be willing to break my leg so I have a better reason to drop out other than "I'm chubby and lazy." Those don't seem like great reasons so I really need something more substantial. This is not a paying gig, mind you. I am certain there are more than a handful of people who would like nothing more than to wound me in some way--although I think most would just want to bind my big fat mouth.

Until that happens, I will keep training so that I look more like this come June 15th

Instead of what I'm sure I WILL look like, which is more like this:

Finally, I will leave you with some awesome Ragnar team names that make me laugh (and realize maybe I'm not alone.)

• Muthas and bruthas
• We Pay for This?
• Running Without a Full Deck
• 12 Runners, 24 Feet, 36 Legs. Do the Math
• The Runzz--We're Number 2
• Is Death an Option?
• 2 Slow 2 Win 2 Dumb 2 Quit
• RMFAO (Run My Fat "A" Off)
• What Were We Thinking
• How Do We Sleep When Our Legs Are Burning
• What the Hill?
• Were We Supposed to Train for This?
• No Wit--We're the Ones With the Plain Brown Van
• I Think I Just Swore In My Head a Little
• Run? I Thought You Said Fun!
• Dr. Funke 100% Natural Good Time Family Band Solution (this is my favorite!)
• Worst Pace Scenario
• Bunch of Old Dudes
• Do These Shorts Make My Butt Look Fast?
• 2 Days and Confused
• Cirque de Sore Legs
• Help! I Ragged My Nar!
• Seriously? Seriously!
• Time Wounds All Heels
• Unicorn Jerky
• Run Like Your Hair Is On Fire!